Trying to Catch the Social Networking Bug

Try as I might, I haven't yet been able to catch the social networking bug.  Unlike other bugs that I work hard to avoid, I've been hoping to catch the fervor for social networking.  Up to now, I've been immune.  I am on Facebook, which has allowed me to find some long lost people in my life and to allow some of them to find me.  And it's a good way to see what two of my granddaughters are doing.  But -- I haven't been bitten by the bug.
I have opened a Twitter account, but only follow President Obama so far.  I  have added people to my Linked-In account and must admit feeling awed at how much some people make use of it.  I briefly Branched Out, but let go of the branch for lack of knowing quite what to do with it.  As for all the others too numerous to name, I haven't even tried.
I've been told over and over and over again that social networking is MANDATORY and THE KEY to becoming known as an author in today's world.  Most likely true - as many have shown regardless of whether their books are deserving of fame or not.  While "going viral" is much sought after, the very word "viral" gives me an unsavory feeling.
I watched the movie, "The Social Network," to figure out what I was missing.  The creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, according to the movie, only had one real friend in college whom he eventually betrayed.   A genius geek, he was far more fascinated by the computer technology than linking friends.  That actually helped me to understand why I feel mostly alienated from this modern, impersonal way of making connections.  While not exactly fake friends, they are friends you never have to see, speak to, or truly know.  In fact,  "friends" is a misnomer for these relationships.  I'm used to a different kind of friendship.  I don't even like the image of "networking" or "world wide web" since computers and all the information forever indelibly available therein are also used for nefarious purposes, reminding me of the flailing flies that can't get away from the spider.
Since I'm old, the drain on the precious time I have left to live looms excessive.  Were I born today, I would most likely not feel intimidated by computers or wary of how they might abuse me.  Would I be a more successful well-networked author, or would I still be inundated by the sheer masses of people screaming "me, me, me" in the pack?
And so I search out "how to's" for using Linked-In, Facebook, and Twitter and hope I can make them useful before they, too, are obsolete and replaced.
Suellen Zima