Tuesday, April 17, 2012



Ali Larter as Clear Rivers
A.J. Cook as Kimberly Corman
Michael Landes as Thomas Burke
Tony Todd as Mr. Bludworth
Directed by David Ellis Story by J. Mackye GruberEric Bress and Jeffrey Reddick 
Screenplay by J. Mackye Gruber and Eric Bress 
Characters by Jeffrey Reddick 
Death comes driving down the highway 
In it's sunday best - Blue Öyster Cult 
A FIRE OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN TOOK MY BABY AWAYYYYYY!!!! A FIRE OF UNKNOWN ORI--Oh, hello, I didn't see you standing there. Alright, I know what a lot of you are thinking. You're thinking why in the hell would anyone in their right mind want to waste their time on the Final Destination series? You're thinking that they're nothing but plotless movies with cookie cutter characters who are placed in ridiculous situations where the end result is to see just how grotesque a death they can suffer at the hands of...well...death. Hey, you know what? You're right, they are exactly that. Do you know what I say to that? Who gives a shit? They are fucking fun!!
    The Final Destination films are what would happen if Death grew jealous of all the attention that guys like Jason and Freddy and Michael are getting. I mean, let's face it, without death Jason would be the mascot for a hockey team, Freddy would be the guy that slices your roast beef at the buffet line and Michael would be trying to see his sister naked in the shower instead of trying to stab her to death.
    The first FD movie started the whole process rolling. One of the characters envisions a horrible disaster, freaks out, ruins everybody's good time and then is proven right after said disaster really occurs and all his/her friends, save for a select few, bite the bullet and kiss their asses goodbye. If the first film started the process, the second film in the series sets the bar and sets it high. Final Destination 2 has the best opening accident scene, the coolest deaths and is by far the best film in the series.
    In the first film it was a plane crash that opened the door for death to come knocking. This time it's the mother of all traffic accidents that the chosen few escape from on the way to their final date with the Grim ReaperQuentin Tarantino himself has praised the accident scene, so that should tell you something. After that the death count rises as the survivors fight to stay alive.
    The acting is what you would expect from a film like this. There are no great stand-out performances. Ali Larter is one of the worst actresses in movies and only returned to show us that just because you got away from the guy with the scythe in the first film, you're not so lucky in numero dosA. J. Cook does a decent job as the female counterpart to Devon Sawa's character from the first film. She did indeed move on to better things as Agent Jennifer "JJ" Jareau on TV's Criminal Minds.
    Then there's Tony Todd as Bludworth. Tony is one of those guys that can act with a look, a motion, a turn of the head or a squint of the eye. He speaks softly and it sounds like thunder. He speaks loudly and it is a nuclear bomb. The Final Destination series is extremely lucky to have him.
    So, yes, the Final Destination series is mindless, plotless drivel and I love it. We can't all be The Exorcist and Rosemary's Baby, you know?

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