Funny the things you notice as a newcomer
to a country. Halloween and its spooky front lawn decorations were a novelty
for me. Some macabre displays in our neighborhood triggered off the
investigation on a topic that has been puzzling me for a while.
Having lived in Northeast FL a couple of years,
I had never seen a hearse or a vehicle that could pass for one. People still do
die, even in a country that worships beauty and youth and often delegates old
age and death are to nursing homes and critical care facilities.
In Orlando, I understand, Disney sees to roads
being squeaky clean and free of trash. Never saw a hearse there either. So how
are bodies transported to and from funeral parlours in Florida?
Where I come from, funeral processions often
paralyse the traffic. A hearse in Ireland drives at walking pace. The mourners are
lined up behind it walking to the cemetery. Overtaking is frowned upon.
The University of Wikipedia defines a hearse as
a funeral vehicle, a conveyance for the coffin and shows the preferred car
models in North America, Europe or Japan: Cadillac, Ford, Mercedes Benz costing
around $50,000 with a life expectancy of about 30 years due to their light duty
and short and sedate drives.
Originally horse-drawn, they became motorized
in the 1920’s and for a while, doubled as ambulances. I can see why that went
out of fashion.
Japan offers two types of commercial vehicles
for this purpose, “Foreign” or “Japanese” style where the vehicle is modified to
resemble a small, ornate Buddhist temple which requires modifications to the
chassis.
Japan also offers a rather strange looking contraption
called a motorcycle hearse.
In the seventies, hearses, due to their morbid
nature and luxurious accommodation for the driver, were popular among some
driving enthusiasts, mostly hippies.
A website called Grim Rides features a community of hearse friends in CA −where
else?−I get side-tracked, as usual, clicking on links like the one to Hearses
in Movies, e.g. the
scene in Harold and Maude: “This thing
handles well... Ever drive a hearse, Harold?"
Next
I stumble into a chat room for current and aspiring hearse drivers (Hearsedrivers.com).
So they must exist.
I press on and Google: “Why are there no
hearses in US streets anymore?”
Up pops the visitors guide
to St.Augustine: “Enjoy a ride in a real
hearse and live to tell about it!” Furthermore, an article answering the
question: Can a hearse carrying a
corpse drive in the car-pool lane? Check it out yourself, I’m not
telling…
And finally the New York Times with an article
dated 19 June, 1904 about the Slocum Disaster in “Little Germany”. Its headline
says “Mournful Pomp of Death on Eastside” – A fascinating story about rapacious
undertakers unfolds where a flower peddler’s wagon became a hearse complete
with potted plants, and splendid police arrangements. A dozen links later, I’m
none the wiser; all very interesting but hardly an explanation to my question.
Neither my American husband nor friends are of
any help. Maybe the funeral homes use white vans with no windows, more like a
handyman service or lawn care vehicle, someone suggests.
Have hearses been banned from the streets or
are they only
going out under cover of dark not to be seen or intimidate mortals? Maybe
you’re never driving near their flight paths from home to church to final
destination, says another one. None of my friends is prepared for a nocturnal
stake-out of a local funeral home to find out. I don’t have the courage to call
one and outright ask the undertaker.
Then
yesterday, I had a few moments while sitting in the bowels of St.Augustine’s
monumental steam-ship replica car wash watching the suds fly, my mind drifted
back to vehicular endangered species. Maybe St.Augustine’s Fountain of Youth has
found the magical potion to make hearses redundant.
Then
exiting from the bow of the ship I see one. A police car with flashing lights
drives in front at a sedate pace, followed by a real hearse like I know it and black
limousines tagging behind. In contrast to Ireland where overtaking them is
frowned upon, here cars in the dual laneway quickly pass the hearse. (But then
Ireland has hardly any four- lane roads outside Dublin anyway.)
Waiting
for the procession to go by, I get a real good look. Give me Trick-or-Treat any
time, but no display of skulls, ghosts or tombstones on my yard! I hear the
bell tolling…
Siggy Buckley
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