Thursday, October 4, 2012

Confidence Tools for Coping With a Broken Heart

When your heart gets broken the last thing you feel is confident. However daily life has to continue and somehow you have to find the confidence to act as if you are functioning as normal. This is one of those situations where you might have to pretend for a little while but eventually your confidence will come back. In the meantime here are some tools to help you through. 
When my heart got broken years ago, I just fell apart. The result was that I had to spend a long time getting back up. I had no techniques to get me through the pain. I don't know if I even felt pain, it was more of a numbness. I certainly didn't manage to function as normal. In fact I hid away for three months! When I finally did resurface I felt lost and confused. I certainly had no confidence. 
Now obviously if you are at the beginning stages of suffering from a broken heart, I can't make that go away with a single post. Actually no one can make the pain go away, it is unfortunately something that you will have to work your way through. I could offer you coaching but for now I am going to give you some simple tools to hopefully help you get back on your feet and to calm some of the overwhelming emotions. If you take care of you and your emotions then your confidence will eventually come back. 
  • Breathe - Yes I know that sounds obvious, we have to breathe. Consciously focusing on breathing helps to calm the body and the mind. When we are stressed or emotional the majority of us have a tendency to hold our breath without noticing. This can cause panic in the mind and cause further stress and emotions. Breathing slowly, stomach expanding as you breath in and stomach falling as you breath out, can have an instant calming effect.
  • Find a space for the pain - The breathing exercise above frees space in your mind and body to create a safe space where you can leave your pain for a while. Let me explain. When you sit in the stillness of breathing and focus only on breathing, you gain a sense of having more space within. After a while this sense of space becomes more permanent. You can use this sense of space for the following technique: When you feel the emotional pain arise, stop for a moment and take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this pain is due to your broken heart and it will eventually pass. Take another deep breath. Now breath normally. Find the space within you. Breath in and out, as you breath in expand your space within and place your emotional pain there for safe keeping. With practice this is a very effective tool.
  • Spend time doing something you enjoy - At this vulnerable stage it is important that you nurture your wellbeing. This includes doing things you enjoy and pampering yourself. I could go on and on about how important this is for your health and confidence levels but instead I am just going to say, be good to you! It really makes a difference!
  • Surround yourself with loving, understanding, supportive friends and family. People who will lift your spirits, enjoy your company, and boost your confidence. Stay away from confidence zapping people.   
I will be publishing a new e-book in the next couple of weeks on the subject of confidence during separation. If you would like to be reminded sign up on the home page of my website and you will also receive a free 50 page confidence e-book. 
How did you find confidence after your heart was broken? 
Kama Frankling – Author and Confidence Coach


  1. Good advice (hark, the matchmaker speaketh!) and beautful flowers! Thanks, S.

  2. Hi Siggy,
    Very good tips for dealing with a broken heart. Lost is something that we all dread, because it hurts. The lost of a loved one is one of the most deepest pains that a person can experience. Because you know that the person is gone from you, you are lost. It is at times like these when friends are valuable. They help ease the pain.
    Thanks for a very timely article.