I know you’re asking, “WAH?” but think about this. How many married over-forty-somethings do you
know that say they aren’t having sex?
How many friends do you have married 20+ years and they
complain they never have sex with their spouse? I know, I know…stress, kids
still living at home, activities and commitments wear us all thin. Those are
all great reasons but are you feeling less connected to your spouse? Are all
your conversations about the kids, making ends meet and the next disastrous
expense you’re about to have to pay for? Has sex become an afterthought? When
you finally get a relaxing evening are spending it watching an adult TV show,
Chinese delivery and asleep by 10?
I’m not saying this isn’t legit but in the realm of taking
care of everyone have you neglected each other? When you get an opportunity to
fluff yourself up does your spouse even notice? Have you forgotten what
intimacy is? Are there days you wish you had some but your spouse just isn’t on
the same wave length? Do you even care anymore?
Life has us putting out own basic physical needs on the back
burner. I’m talking food, shelter and
feeling connected to someone. We all want it. No one wants to be truly alone
but are there days in house full of people you feel alone? Your spouse is doing
their part of the work for the household, i.e. working and bringing home a
paycheck, cleaning, cooking, laundry, but you feel disconnected. Has being
intimate the last thing you think you have time for?
Now chat with your single forty-something+ friends.
What do they talk about? If they’re in relationships they talk about
intimacy. If they aren’t with anyone they’re looking for someone interested in
providing it. Many of the people I’ve
talked with mention how they’ve realized how important intimacy and sex are in
their relationships. Most are divorced and had lost intimacy with their
spouses. A lot of them thought they had hormonal issues or ID and have since
discovered this is far from the truth. Not making intimacy and sex a priority
caused their lack of desire. Some of them were very surprised to find that 40+
year olds (and 50+) have just as much desire as they did at 30 (hence, 50 is
the new 30). For most function isn’t an issue either.
If sex has become a taboo activity in your home, bring it
back! Date night, mini-vacations for just the two of you, and adding toys and
flavored lubes can all help bring the spark back. Remembering what brought you together in the
beginning is a good place to start. And never forget to read. I’m not talking
Penthouse and Playboy, but blogs or books about intimacy and foreplay. Learn to
enjoy one another again.
Linda Bolton
Linda's first book, a contemporary romance, has a tentative release date of Dec 2012!
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