I recently spent a week in a Migraine Clinic. On admittance, I was asked for my goal of the day. A nurse was going to write it on a whiteboard in my room. Stunned, I thought that was obvious: To be pain-free.
To have a goal is one thing but how to get there is quite another. But like the Chinese saying goes:”Every journey begins with the first step.”
You know what I’m getting at if you’re single and reading this. You have tried for a while on your own or the help of well-meaning friends –if you’re lucky- to find that elusive person. Now you’re curious to get some advice from a pro who has occupied herself with matters of the heart for years. At this time of year you read a lot of about New Year’s Resolutions. Everybody seems to be setting them...(and then forget about them after a while). Have you? Did you set yourself goals for 2012 in other areas of your life? How about your love department?
The goal is obvious: Find a partner in crime (marriage, loving relationship, live –in partner, or just delicious sex. Whatever your target may be: someone to wake up with and spend time with, someone to hold your hand for a while, someone to walk hand in hand with. Like with every goal setting you need a step-by-step plan how to get there. And sometimes it’s baby steps you have to make.
With a gazillion self help-books out there reaching from “Dating for Dummies” to “How to Catch a man and Keep him “you certainly have enough material available to start a proper research into the subject matter to get you on your way. Maybe you have done that already?
In my forties I was in your shoes and faced the same predicament. I was divorced, in a foreign country and had two teenage children which slightly complicated the matter. I don’t want you to do what I did and buy a matchmaking company in order to get access to as many available candidates as possible; or, as one journalist phrased it to my utter embarrassment –and that of my children-“To skim the milk of the cream.”
Yeah, in a way that’s what I wanted in spite of the huge price tag attached to it. But at the time there were very few alternatives for separated or divorced -I like to call them recycled- people in Ireland. Ireland had only just legally gotten the divorce in 1996.
You on the other hand have all these agencies out there to be of your assistance - online or personal. (Yes, the personal ones or matchmakers still exist if you prefer one to one personalized service, if a bit more expensive). The choice is yours.
I had fun running the agency, dealing with people, meeting nice clients, learning about life, myself and my own expectations from life. At the same time, I made money and “Combined business with pleasure” as another cheeky reporter put it. You can do the same when signing up with any of these agencies or several if you must. You will learn about yourself not just about the potential partners. You will grow through the experience, it will make you stronger, a more determined, experienced, savvy person, not a more frustrated one, I hope. You may have to do baby-steps, self-scrutiny being one of them. No, that’s a bigger one.
A motto that I learned from one of my older clients should guide you on this journey or quest: the 3 Ls “Living, laughter and loving.”
If you want to read more of this expert’s advice, get my book Next Time Lucky or what this space.