Come on over and converserate

From RS Guthrie's blog, Rob on Writing.

I read a very interesting post yesterday (“interesting” being defined as “for anyone with enough of a geek/time combination to find a full-length blog on word meanings an enjoyable way to spend a few minutes. It’s called 10 Words That You’ve Probably Been Misusing and it was written by Tyler Vendetti. Now before I get into the meat of this blog, I want to make a few observations about the blog on which Tyler is a contributor (HelloGiggles) and about a few sundry items pertaining to said blog.

Tyler’s blog has 200,000 likes and has been tweeted 2,897 times (as of this moment). It also has about 20 pages of comments. Maybe 50. And comments on comments. And comments on pages that were linked-to in comments, referringback to Tyler’s post.

Tyler Vendetti is my new hero. That’s a lot of blog publicity. And she’s just one of the HG contributors. Plus her last name sounds like a cross between a crime syndicate and a guy bent on revenging the gruesome death of his wife and children.

I must be doing something wrong with this blogging thing. Not interesting enough or too harpy or maybe it smells like bad fish. As I approach my 200th post in just over a year and a half, I am left reticent about how well-spent is my time “blogging”? If 200,000 people were bent on my opinion or almost 3,000 people wanted all their Twitter followers to check out what brilliance had just flew from my fingertips well, yeah, of course it would be worth my time and effort.

Did I mention Tyler’s just in college right now? Doesn’t matter. I blog for myself. And for those salaciously witty few who get it. The craftily obfuscated humor, I mean. My readers. All six of ya. So I’m going to do what I do best; I’m going to climb the rungs of that soap box and give it to you straight, no chaser (apologies to the great a capella group).

Here are the ten words that Tyler says we all misuse/misunderstand (I’m going back to the proper writing form of spelling numbers instead of using them—something about getting all grammarly [<~~~MY word, dammit, and I think it's a good one] makes me want to be as technically correct as possible, even though it obviously doesn’t stop me from making up my own language):

(The list below is copied from Tyler’s blog but I snipped her snappy chatter in-between numbers so that I would have space for my own snappy witticisms afterword.)

1) Travesty

What you may think it means: a tragedy, an unfortunate event

What it actually means: a mockery; a parody

2) Ironic

What you may think it means: a funny coincidence

What it actually means: contrary to what you might expect

3) Peruse

What you may think it means: to skim or glance over something

What it actually means: to review something carefully/in-depth

4) Bemused

What you may think it means: amused

What it actually means: confused

5) Compelled

What you may think it means: to willingly do something, to feel like you need to do something

What it actually means: to be forced to do something (willingly or unwillingly)

6) Nauseous

What you may think it means: to feel sick

What it actually means: to cause nausea

7) Conversate

What you may think it means: to hold a conversation

What it actually means: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

8) Redundant

What you may think it means: repetitive

What it actually means: superfluous, able to be cut out

9) Enormity

What you may think it means: enormousness

What it actually means: extreme evil

10) Terrific

What you may think it means: awesome, fantastic

What it actually means: causing terror

Okay, it made for a pretty damned interesting blog, I have to admit. Here was the comment I made (preceded by a little dictionary research of my own and never to be seen by Tyler nor anyone else because it’s literally already suffocated in the pile of comments both before and following it):

“Many of the words you chose mean exactly what you/we “thought” they meant. AND they mean what many of us didn’t know. It’s both; you’re simply using ONE of multiple usages of the word. That’s not the same thing as a word NOT meaning what you thought it did. Cute post, but you should have chosen fewer (more correct) words or written it under “Other Meanings You Did NOT Know”. Nice work with “conversate”, however. That’s one that should make all our skin crawl.

Ex. Redundant (and this is def #1): characterized by verbosity or unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas; prolix: a redundant style.
Ex. Enormity: #3: greatness of size, scope, extent, or influence; immensity
Ex. Peruse: #2: to look over or through in a casual or cursory manner”

I appreciate Tyler’s erudite blog and her ability to both entertain, entice, enamor, elongate, eradicate, electrify, ease, erase, and yes, even enrage. It really was (almost) a fun as trying to come up with so many “e” words a moment ago. Let’s face it; this is what blogs ARE. They are honeypots, hoping to garner enough attention that the writer lands successfully somewhere between “no one’s ever heard of ya, kid” and “twenty-year-old cutie slain by unusually articulate blog-stalker”.

Do we try to educate? (Another “e” word I spared you, at least until now.) Yes, of course. I wouldn’t have titled my blog the way I did if all I ever intended to do was rage against the machine. But do people ever really learn anything? As I poured through (seven) pages of comments to find my own, I perused a few dozen along the way, and I’d say the majority were pretty nasty.

Don’t FUCK wid my bidness, and don’t you MONKEY around wit my GRAMMAR.

No, seriously, one girl called Tyler’s blog “less interesting than a wet bag of potato chips.” Although a pretty damned funny retort, that comment was completely uncalled for (do any comments actually receive a call?). It really is a great blog, but in all seriousness, I could notbelieve the pages, and pages, and pages of comments and conversates  taking place over what I thought was a well-researched, slightly inappropriately-titled, very interesting piece.

If she reads through that plethora [<~~overused word; means just what we think it does] of comments, my guess is she’s already by now been institutionalized. No one—and I mean NO ONE—least of all a bright, joyful, ne’er say ne’er, Mary Poppinsesque college student should ever bear witness to the hideousness of a true cross-section of the World Public like that. It’s terrific. Or terrifying.

Or both, if you believe that little college dipshit’s blog.

Just kidding, Tyler.

But don’t ever fuck wid my grammar again, bitch.

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The blank page is dead…long live the blank page.

R.S. Guthrie grew up in Iowa and Wyoming. He has been writing fiction, essays, short stories, and lyrics since college.

Black Beast: A Detective Bobby Mac Thriller (Volume 1) marked Guthrie's first major release and it heralded the first in the Detective Bobby Mac Thriller series. The second in the series, Lost: A Detective Bobby Mac Thriller (Volume 2) hit the Kindle shelves in December 2011.

Blood Land is the first in the James Pruett Mystery series and represents a project that is close to Guthrie's heart: it is set in a fictional town in the same Wyoming where he spent much of his childhood and still visits.

The sequel, Money Land released at the end of 2012 and Guthrie is working on the third in the series, Honor Land.

Guthrie lives in the Colorado Rockies with his wife, Amy, three young Australian Shepherds, and a Chihuahua who thinks she is a 40-pound Aussie!

Readers can catch up with what's new with the author at his official site, http://www.rsguthrie.com, discussions related to writing and other topics at his blog, Rob on Writing (http://robonwriting.com), or at his showcase of authors giving back to causes at the Read A Book Make A Difference (RABMAD) website (http://RABMAD.com/authors).

Keep your sentences ACTIVE!

A guide to sentences, part 2

STOP WHAT YOU’RE WRITING. Go back to the beginning, read it carefully and change every passive sentence into an active one. This is the easiest and quickest way to make your writing more engaging.

Why? Passive sentences are longer and less interesting than active sentences. Let’s take a first-grade example: 

Passive: The lazy dog was jumped over by the quick brown fox.

Active: The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.

The active sentence is shorter, takes less room, consumes less energy and paper but contains no less information.

Quick definition

For those who, like me, don’t want to count the number of years since junior-high grammar lessons, an active sentence is one where the subject of the sentence performs the verb. In the example above, the fox performs or does the action—it jumps. The dog in the example is the object of the verb.

In the passive version, the subject of the sentence is the dog, but it is still the recipient or the object of the action.

Make “active” your default setting. While there are examples where a passive sentence is more appropriate, such as when the “do-er” of the verb is unknown or irrelevant. Here’s one from a novel I read recently:

“The sergeant moved to the living room window, where the screen has already been removed.”

Passive voice also makes sense in most lab reports, where the focus should be on the objects of observation. We write “the contents of the beaker were decanted into test tubes,” instead of “I poured the contents of the beaker into test tubes.”

But most of the time, passive voice is not only unnecessary, it’s dull. It deadens interesting topics. Take these examples, which twist together active and passive clauses into horrifying tangles:

Some companies use high-pressure sales tactics to offer what is perceived to be a buoy to those who may feel they are drowning in debt.

2014 will be characterized by a cacophony of trends that will converge, explode and create outstanding opportunities for organizations and individuals ready to thrive in velocity.

Action is better because audiences respond to it. Action keeps us interested. Passive sentences are like passive anything: not very interesting. Don’t believe me? Which zoo animal gets more attention: the monkey swinging on the bars, or the lizard soaking up the sun?

What kinds of movies have the biggest audiences? Which had a bigger box office last year: On the Road or The Avengers? What was the difference: the intricacy of the screenplay? The sensitivity of the acting? The artistry of the directing?

Action works. Action puts bums in seats. Action sells.

Activate these

Here are some examples from the real world. I have changed some details just to protect myself from ire:

Rising household debt is of growing concern for many.

Who’s concerned? Economists? Mothers? Debtors? Loan sharks?

The idea of segments of the supply chain being developed elsewhere was also brought up.

Who brought it up?

Tenants are urged to be wary about companies that claim they can negotiate a better deal with landlords so that only a part of their rent will need to be paid.

Who’s urging?

Solution

Experts urge tenants to beware of companies that claim they can negotiate a better deal with landlords ...

 Suggested times for starting each content section are shown in Slide 1: Agenda.

Solution:

Slide 1: Agenda suggests starting times for each content section.

By effectively controlling the supply chain, costs can be notably curtailed.

Solution:

Controlling the supply chain effectively can curtail costs.

This one is easy to fix just by removing unnecessary words:

The Windows-based Superdyn software can be used for setting parameters, and control and monitoring of DDw-789 motors. 

The Windows-based Superdyn software can set parameters, and control and monitor DDw-789 motors.

From fiction:

If she didn’t get out, she was going to be mauled to death by the dog.

If she didn’t get out, the dog would maul her to death.

Their whereabouts are only known by the religious caste of the Flarconeans.

Only the Flarconeans’ religious caste knows their whereabouts.

Watch for it

Watch your writing for passive sentences. One giveaway: count your use of the word “by,” as in “the dog was jumped over by the fox.” When you proofread your work, watch for long phrases and dependent clauses. In general, try to make sure that the subject of every sentence is what’s performing the verb.

Scott Bury 

Scott Bury is an editor, author and journalist living in Ottawa, Canada. For more writing tips, as well as interview with independent writers and reviews of their books, visit his blog, Written Words. You can also connect with him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter @ScottTheWriter.

Avoid writing badly: make the sentence your unit of expression

Sentences, Part 1

What’s the difference between good writing and bad? To me, one sure sign of bad writing is bad grammar.

Grammar isn’t that hard. The first step is to understand that the sentence is your basic unit of expression.

Consider this example:

An analysis of survey results conducted by GHI concluded that different groups of consumers face different kinds of challenges, this includes unemployed and underemployed as well as low-income groups.

This example from fiction demonstrates the opposite problem:

The chattering of Will’s teeth, as loud as the cold north wind that blew down through mountains.

The problem in the first case is a comma splice: joining two separate sentences with a comma, rather than separating them with a period (or maybe a semi-colon).

The problem in the second example is an incomplete sentence. The verb is missing.

This is how a grammatically complete sentence would read:

The chattering of Will’s teeth was as loud as the cold north wind that blew down through mountains.

That’s not a particularly creative solution, but it’s correct.

Another example, with some light surgery to hide the actual source:

But back to the economy, all three projects expanded simultaneously and required capitalization, no wonder the organization’s bottom line was depleted.

The unit of expression

A word may be a unit of meaning, but a single word by itself does not usually express an idea.

Back when I was in grade school, after cleaning the sabre-tooth tigers’ litter boxes, we all learned that a sentence expressed a complete thought. To do that, it needs two elements: a verb or predicate — action — and a subject, which is usually a noun or a pronoun.

The quick red fox jumps.

The action word, the verb, is “jumps.” “Fox,” of course, is the subject. The rest of the words describe the subject.

Sometimes, you don’t need the subject to be written out: “Duck!” The subject is “you, implied” — a concept that caused all sorts of confusion when I was in school (but was not as distressful as the hungry velociraptors in the back of the cave).

Noun and verb. Other words describe the subject or complete the action.

A wave of lust slammed into her body.

“Lust slammed” would be a grammatically complete sentence.

The subject can also be a phrase or a clause: a group of words that function together as a noun.

Resisting the temptation to crush her body against his and tear off her clothes took all his willpower.

The subject in that example did not end until after “clothes.” (“After clothes” is one of my favourite places.)

That’s all there is to it. To write clearly, write about something doing something.

Joining complete thoughts

To join two complete thoughts — sentences — you have to have the right kind of link. Usually, it’s not a period, but a word or a group of words. Instead of boring you with grammatical logic, I advise you read good writing until you develop a sense of what “sounds” right.

Here are some examples of what not to do, and corrections, again taken from real sources.

Run-on sentence

The run-on sentence happens when one complete idea follows another without any punctuation or joining phrases.

She got up and went into the bathroom and got a wet washrag and came back and laid it across her mother’s forehead.

The succession of clauses joined by “and,” while grammatically correct, is tedious. There’s also too much detail. You don’t need to describe every single action: your reader can figure it out.

She wet a rag in the bathroom and laid it across her mother’s forehead.

Comma splice

She took his hand again, “how are we going to keep them safe?” She whispered.

Again, there are more than one problem here:

She took his hand again. “How are we going to keep them safe?” she whispered.

“If we move quickly we could be off in front of the soldiers, we’ve got fast horses and money.”

“If we move quickly we could get ahead of the soldiers — we’ve got fast horses and money.”

Does grammar matter?

As long as the underlying meaning comes across, does it matter that you follow every little rule?

Yes. First, correct grammar is a sign of professionalism. Whether you’re writing fiction, advertising or technical reports, if you don’t come across as professional, no one will take your document seriously. If the audience doesn’t believe you, why bother writing?

Second, grammar ensures clarity:

For hospitals seeking increased profitability in the operating room (OR) it is essential to streamline the movement of materials from suppliers to the hands of doctors efficiently acquiring and moving supplies critical to OR procedures are measurable ways to reduce costs, increase revenue capture, optimize labour and improve process management.

What’s efficient: doctors’ hands, or moving supplies?

When the subject is medical care, I think clarity is pretty darn important.

Scott Bury Scott Bury is an author, editor and journalist based in Ottawa, Canada. His blog, Written Words, publishes writing tips and guidance, reviews of independent books and interviews with their authors, samples of his fiction and opinions on the state of the communications industry. 

Follow him on Twitter @ScottTheWriter.

Your Grammar is Attractive

So lately I've been really attracted to guys who can spell properly, who know the difference between you're and your, even their/they're/there...is that weird? I hope not. I mean, there are some guys who are attractive like so (referring to the picture of Daniel Radcliffe) and then there are those who I see spelling properly and they go up in my books, although I don't doubt for a second that Mr. Radcliffe has perfect grammar.

Is it too much to ask for? Why can't everyone just learn these things? Maybe that's why I find people more attractive when they use grammar correctly, because when I see "your good" or "your welcome" IT MAKES ME ANGRY and sad, and I get really upset for no reason.

So yeah, just learn guys. Just learn. I think there should be a "teach your friend" day where we each post on our statuses the difference between each. Like so...

YOUR -- "your" as the possessive form of you, referring to something that a person has, something that belongs to the person in question, or the person you are talking to.

YOU'RE (You are) --"you're" is a contraction of "you are".

THERE -- Use there when referring to a place, whether concrete ("over there by the building") or more abstract ("it must be difficult to live there")

THEIR -- Use their to indicate possession. It is a possessive adjective and indicates that a particular noun belongs to them.

THEY'RE (They are) -- Remember that they're is a contraction of the words they and are.

I can't believe they're leaving their children there, alone!

(Above Examples courtesy of Wikipedia)

They are the main culprits, and if you have more then please add them on in the comments.

I don't hate you if you are getting these wrong, I just want you to learn them so that I don't have to hate you, but as soon as you know them they'll stick with you forever. And then I can love you. TIP: When writing Facebook statuses and tweets, please just look over it...perhaps read it aloud, if you do spell something incorrectly then your credibility goes down. It really does!

Do any of you guys know how I feel?

Joseph Eastwood

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Joe_Eastwood

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/josephswriting