Open Adoption

Our First Adoption

My wife and I got married in 1996. About eight years later, we wondered why she had never gotten pregnant.We went to a gynecologist and found out it was impossible for us to conceive naturally. Undaunted, we went down the uncertain road of IVF procedures. Anyone who has been down this road knows how emotional the trip can be—with extremely happy highs and tearful lows, not to mention the agony of giving your wife shots a few times a day.
Feeling frustrated amid our third IVF attempt, we attended a local adoption information meeting. My wife felt we were meant to adopt; I wasn’t so sure. Call me crazy, but as we left that meeting, I saw a rainbow in my rearview mirror. That was my sign, and so our adoption journey began.
We researched adoption programs and agencies. We went to meetings, paid the fees, got our physicals, and completed the paperwork. We were ready to start our family! We finally received a phone call. We met a quiet, pretty young lady. The meeting went smoothly. We really liked the expectant mom but felt like we had botched the interview.
A few days later, we received a second phone call saying that the expectant mom wanted to meet us again. That meeting went fine, and we laughed and cried together. Her reason for getting together was to establish ground rules for an open adoption.
The expectant mom wanted us to send her photos frequently. She was a sweet Christian young lady, and she needed to be sure that she was making the right decision. If all it took to realize our dream was to e-mail some pictures, it was an easy decision for us.
Some people ask us why we said yes to an open adoption. We say, "Why not?" Try to put yourself in the shoes of the birthmother. To say this is a "life-altering" decision is an understatement. As I see it, adoption is an act of love and selflessness for these women. They love their children more than they love themselves. That’s what great mothers do. If we were to ruin that equation by being selfish as adoptive parents, what message would that send to our kids?

Have I told you how wonderful our two daughters are? We adopted our second child through open adoption in 2010 from another special young lady. All that waiting. All those tears. It all was worth it. Our daughters are awesome! Each day we tell them how much we love them and thank God for his gifts. 

The More Love, the Better

Our relationship with each birthfamily is unique. One family calls and visits more often. The other e-mails and sends gifts in the mail. These families have embraced us as parents. They do not intrude. They do not preach to us about how to raise our kids. They simply are happy to be included in the process. One of the grandmothers caught us off guard when she said, "You are like family to us now." Wow! The more love the better!  
The Future 

We are not sure what the future holds. It comes on so fast and can change in many ways. We do hope to stay in touch with our birthfamilies. We want to share birthdays and milestones with them. My personal hope is that, as we get older / they get older, our girls will know and be close to each birthmom. They can be a source of "family", moms and siblings, after we are gone. The more love the better!We will always be indebted to our two birthmothers for entrusting their children to us. And we thank God for our wonderful journey, and we will be sure that our daughters know that He brought us all together.

Our journey continues to evolve. We feel like we expanded our family twofold, and the girls are the benefactors. Can you imagine growing up with four grandmothers? What could be better to a child at Christmas?

Andy McCleaf

A full version of this article is to be printed in an upcoming periodical in 4/2012 

Breaking even during the Holidays

Chances are, this time of year, you do really bad with your diet and exercise.  After Thanksgiving, which was probably full of bad eating, you may do a little good here and there, but with parties looming around the corner and lots of food and beverage awaiting, you kind of just “check out” until January, and then start back with a vengeance. 

A key point to remember is that December is going to have its bad stuff, such as parties at work, sweets as gifts, parties on the weekends, Christmas meals, etc., and much of this is unavoidable.  The worst thing for your happiness would be to avoid these things.  After all, it’s Christmas, and we should enjoy this special time of year.  Another key point to remember is that December is usually a bad month for your health and fitness, so the goal is not to have a great month in that regard, but rather to have a good month, or a better month than your normal December.  You need to look at December as compared to other Decembers, not as compared to whether it is healthy or not.

So, we shift our goal to “breaking even” during December.  Not because breaking even is good, but because breaking even is better than our normal December, which is normally a negative month in terms of breaking even.  When we look at it like this, breaking even is a success. 

How do we break even?  If you usually don’t exercise at all and eat bad during December, then it is really easy, simply exercise regularly and eat good as much as you can and eat bad all of the times that you are presented with holiday splurges.  The key is to do better than you normally do during this month.  So, think about your normal December diet and exercise and try to do better than that.  Work extra hard at times, knowing that you are going to bad at times.  This takes the guilt and pressure away from the bad diet and exercise that are coming your way during the holiday season.  Plan out  your meals and exercise for the month, with the parties, cheat meals, holiday candy, non-exercise days, etc., all in mind, and with the good budgeted in where you can. 

Chances are, if you take these steps, you will have a better December than you normally do and you you will put enough good in the month to cancel out the bad, that is pretty much unavoidable (and rightfully so!), thus allowing you to break even for the month of December.  Remember to look at the month as a whole, and if you plan it out, your month will not be bad and all the bad will not ruin the entire month.  Too often, people think, “well, what’s the point? I am going to eat bad and not have as much time to exercise as normal, so I’ll just let December go and start back in January.”  Remember that the worse off you are when you start in January, the longer the journey back is, so work on breaking even in December and work on having a good month.  You can be healthy and still enjoy the holidays.  It’s all in how you approach it! 

Jason Cerniglia, CPT, CSN, CGCC, Owner, Hoover Fitness, Author of the book, Look Great. Feel Great. And Still Eat Pizza!, and creator of The 301 Workout smartphone app.