Confidence Tools for Coping With a Broken Heart

 

When your heart gets broken the last thing you feel is confident. However daily life has to continue and somehow you have to find the confidence to act as if you are functioning as normal. This is one of those situations where you might have to pretend for a little while but eventually your confidence will come back. In the meantime here are some tools to help you through. 

When my heart got broken years ago, I just fell apart. The result was that I had to spend a long time getting back up. I had no techniques to get me through the pain. I don't know if I even felt pain, it was more of a numbness. I certainly didn't manage to function as normal. In fact I hid away for three months! When I finally did resurface I felt lost and confused. I certainly had no confidence. 

Now obviously if you are at the beginning stages of suffering from a broken heart, I can't make that go away with a single post. Actually no one can make the pain go away, it is unfortunately something that you will have to work your way through. I could offer you coaching but for now I am going to give you some simple tools to hopefully help you get back on your feet and to calm some of the overwhelming emotions. If you take care of you and your emotions then your confidence will eventually come back. 

• Breathe - Yes I know that sounds obvious, we have to breathe. Consciously focusing on breathing helps to calm the body and the mind. When we are stressed or emotional the majority of us have a tendency to hold our breath without noticing. This can cause panic in the mind and cause further stress and emotions. Breathing slowly, stomach expanding as you breath in and stomach falling as you breath out, can have an instant calming effect.
   
• Find a space for the pain - The breathing exercise above frees space in your mind and body to create a safe space where you can leave your pain for a while. Let me explain. When you sit in the stillness of breathing and focus only on breathing, you gain a sense of having more space within. After a while this sense of space becomes more permanent. You can use this sense of space for the following technique: When you feel the emotional pain arise, stop for a moment and take a deep breath. Remind yourself that this pain is due to your broken heart and it will eventually pass. Take another deep breath. Now breath normally. Find the space within you. Breath in and out, as you breath in expand your space within and place your emotional pain there for safe keeping. With practice this is a very effective tool.
   
• Spend time doing something you enjoy - At this vulnerable stage it is important that you nurture your wellbeing. This includes doing things you enjoy and pampering yourself. I could go on and on about how important this is for your health and confidence levels but instead I am just going to say, be good to you! It really makes a difference!
   
• Surround yourself with loving, understanding, supportive friends and family. People who will lift your spirits, enjoy your company, and boost your confidence. Stay away from confidence zapping people.   

I will be publishing a new e-book in the next couple of weeks on the subject of confidence during separation. If you would like to be reminded sign up on the home page of my website www.gracefullynatural.com and you will also receive a free 50 page confidence e-book. 

How did you find confidence after your heart was broken? 

Kama Frankling – Author and Confidence Coach

A Lost Heart

Rest assured when I say “A Lost Heart” it does not mean what you think it means.  It does not imply a lost love, or anything romantic at all.

When my late British West Indian Mom said those words, she usually meant “to give up on something or a person”.  How do those words apply to me as a writer? 

Here's my story:

Back in April 2008 (04/05/2008) I started a blog on a site called “Writing Dot Com”.  I did this because I had a co-worker who is an avid writer, had an account there, and recommended it to me.  Like a curious cat, and since I've NEVER been a member of such a site in the past, I decided look into and try it.  First with a free account, then moving on to a paid account, then posting my own personal blog.

Back then my blog was a source of therapy because I was going through many rough areas in my life.  My blog helped me to talk it out. 

Back then I had been taking care of my Mom who had been mentally and emotionally ill, for 35 years and was (and still am) working on a job which was/is extremely stressful. Eventually, as one of her old doctors predicted, Mom became much too ill to handle medically and I had to make the decision to place her in a nursing home.  Plus I had to deal with my own personal demons.  So you can best believe I was burning up the keyboard with HEAVY blog entries. 

While I was doing this my blog was open for WDC (Writing Dot Com) members who were very supportive and encouraged me to publish my blog as a book.  Why?  Because it would be helpful and encouraging to others who are in the same fix.  I briefly toyed with the idea, but wondered, who would read this?  Who would believe this stuff?  I didn't think anyone would read and take what I have written seriously. 

Truly I've re-read some of the stuff and it scared me. Indeed were I to edit and publish this, I might drive readers AWAY instead of TO the book.  Sad to say, those who suffer mental/emotional illness are  considered a pariah to some, and a source of ridicule to others. Yes, even in this day and age.

Unfortunately, on 08/04/2010 my life was “reset” as my Mom passed away at 0400am that morning.  Had it not been for God, my Brothers and Sisters in Christ I would've totally lost my mind.  Since I am her only child, and she had no close relatives, I was the only one left to  make her arrangements.  That's where my Christian family stepped in with helping hands in every area. I am eternally grateful to God and to them for that.  Since then my personal life has about-faced and taken a totally different direction.

What has happened to the blog since then?  I no longer make entries in it.  Why?  I've “lost heart” to continue.  I've lost “the fire in the belly” so to speak.  I am no longer inspired to blog about my life in that manner any longer.  So I have closed the blog.

It kind of saddens me because as I read over some of the past posts. Even though some are horrifying, they are precious and bring tears to my eyes.  Why?  I had unknowingly documented the last three tumultuous years of my Mother's life.  Had I known that, I would've blogged much more about her.  The real person she was before several nervous breakdowns, crippling mental and emotional illness and eventually death, stole her away from me. 

Alas, I have lost the opportunity. . . . .

Shaharazod A Sekk, an aspiring writer. . . . . .

Radical Scribblings  

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The Broken Heart and Trust

Have you decided never to trust again?
Are you willing to take the risk?
It takes years to build trust and few seconds to destroy it, we are expected to trust our friends, families and loved ones, but it is quite unfortunate that they are the people who stands the better chance of betraying the trust we have in them. Our enemies are out of the question because we would never trust them even for a second.
It really hurts when someone you trust or love, betrays the trust you have in them, from then forth, trust becomes a nightmare, it disappears.
Friedrich Nietzsche once said "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you". There is this other quote that says " Trust is like a vase once broken, though you can fix it, but the vase will never be the same again".
WHY IS OUR TRUST BETRAYED?
Sometimes we contribute 40% of our problems. When we want people to be who they are not, they pretend to be who we want them to be, when they can't go on with the pretense, we assume that we've been betrayed. The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are, instead we trust people to be who we want them to be, and when they're not, we cry.
WHO IS TO BE TRUSTED?
Is it when you need people to be there for you?, they're not.....
They're like million miles away and when you think someone is totally reliable and trust worthy and you've built your whole life around them and then it turns out they were never that person, you see your self as being alone?
Here is the big question, who is to be trusted?
Most times we trust those who doesn't deserve our our trust. People who always do things beyond our expectations to gain our trust should be careful with, because they may be looking for something else. We should be careful with people like that.
DOES ANYONE TRUST ME? If you are reading this article, know that someone trusts you and they would not want you to betray them. It took days, weeks, months, and years to build this trust and you wouldn't want to destroy it in seconds, that was why George MacDonald said "to be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved". Trust is more fragile than love.
CAN WE TRUST?
Yes, we have to trust, William Shakespare wrote, " trust but verify", his short and meaningful quote answers the one question that billions of people in the world seek to find answers to.
Finally, trust but be careful and don't forget William Shakespeare's quote.

Ozoani Chinedu Henry

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