Home Wrecker...the one?

Do you believe in “the one?” Are you of the opinion that there is just one person out there for you?

When I married my (ex) husband I threw away the idea of a soul mate. I just tried to convince myself that he was right for me because he came on so strong. His intensity convinced me that he was “the one.”
Did I go against my instincts? I absolutely did! Have you gone against your intuition and it still worked out?
When I met my present boyfriend there was a just a certain chemistry that even I didn’t understand.
Have you ever met someone and right off the bat you felt as if you knew that person?
Well, that is what happened for me. There was a certain “something” that drew me to him. I just can’t be sure what it was. Had we known each other in a past life, was it an animal attraction, or was it plainly just the right time? I do believe timing is everything. If you are not open to it and the timing is off that can change everything  It might very well change your destiny.
For me, this man is my destiny. I will never understand it completely but at the time we were getting to know each other I knew there was a higher power that brought us together. Sometimes I tend to over analyze things but with this relationship I haven’t done that because it has felt so natural from the start.
He may not be “the one.” That might just be a romantic notion but as things stand now he is the only one I want to spend my whole life with.
My book Home Wrecker is dedicated to this man. His love gave me the strength and motivation to trust in my writing.
A friend once asked me about the early beginnings of this relationship.
“Don’t you feel like your love is tarnished because it started out so ugly, she asked?”
My response to that was a big fat “no.”
Just being able to find this kind of love is a crapshoot. I feel so lucky that I didn’t just smile and walk the other way.

Brenda Perlin

http://homewreckertheblog.com

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Eco-biz – Put on Your Listening Ears?

In a prior column, readers were challenged to ‘put on their listening ears’. Why? Through participating in 20011 Industry events, as both an attendee and workshop/speech provider, I observed polarized attendee participation. For, basically, there appear to be two distinct reactions: those who ‘plug in’ – participate in active listening and those who ‘disconnect’ – actually chose to walk out of a session. So, considering the fact most present-day businesses which tend to thrive are open to creative shifts in their business strategies, I’ve urged all to as the elementary teachers heed - ‘put on your listening ears’!

People who ‘put on there listening ears’

•           clear their mind of distractions,

•           ask open-ended questions that encourage the speaker,

•           ask questions that clarify any unclear issues,

•           don’t draw conclusions or make snap judgments,

•           don’t automatically agree with everything,

•           restate key points in their own words,

•           are open and non-defensive, and

•           avoid thinking about responses while the speaker is talking.

Successful people, regardless of Industry sector, are aware of the powerful role which listening plays and maximize its use. For example, politicians, at least the better ones, ‘work a roomful of prospective voters’ while intently focusing on each individual. Carefully listening to each person’s views, politicians converse earnestly with one person after another creating a positive and lasting impression in the voter’s mind that each person has their full measure of respectful listening.

Unfortunately, this tactic – although proven effective, is a technique most people seldom encounter. Stephen Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasizes the power of ‘empathic listening’. Covey says in some situations, there is a necessity to not merely go through mechanical responses that might be required for ordinary listening, but open oneself to the talker to the point where one actually feels what they are feeling. For, Convey believes the only way to establish communication in some professional and personal situations is by becoming, in a small part, the person you are listening to. He uses the word "sensing" (others call it "intuition") to describe the information a listener perceives during deep, empathic listening. While this strategy most certainly takes time to learn, with practice, the rewards are a whole new level of communication which automatically elevates you in the eyes of a talker because people who listen at this level are so rare.

On the other hand, perhaps in some ways, a more important concept is to extend the ‘golden rule’ which translated at the platinum level is to treat others not only as you would prefer to be treated but as they respectfully deserve. So, avoid ‘disconnecting’ and instead, enable your ability to listen for underlying issues. Then, address these issues, not emotion. During a recent ‘green’ conference, I witness a workshop instructor fail to accurately hear a stated issue. After providing examples of green build technologies, the instructor solicited comment. Responding, an attendee queried, “You are aware a house always faces the street?” Instead of interpreting the comment as a valid concern related to restrictive community building codes, the instructor ‘blew it off’.

Instead of ‘blowing off’ someone stated concern, as Covey’s research suggests, be the person who steps into the other person’s shoes. Don’t ignore stated issues, paraphrase the message by summarizing it, and use analogies to clarify it.  Participate in active listening skills, ‘put on your listening ears’.

About the author - To acquire details of Wright’s activities, visit her web site www.TheWrightScoop.com or contact Sylvia@TheWrightScoop.com or follow tweets at ID Wright Scoop or postings at facebook The Wright Scoop. As recipient of the Turning America from Eco-weak to Eco-chic Award,  Sylvia Hoehns Wright challenges all to ‘change America’s landscape’, move their life-styles from eco-weak to eco-chic – ‘green’ life’s garden, one scoop at a time!