Scared out of my mind
Heart thumping
Chilled to the bone under layers of blankets
In my surgical gown and silly cap
I wait to be knocked out by Ketamine
The human horse tranquillizer
Headed to a 'Happy Place’
A medically induced coma to interrupt incessantly firing nerve networks
Causing me migraines on end
Shutting down continuous pain signals that have outgrown their usefulness
But keep creating havoc and agony.
I of little faith am afraid
© 9-13-12
Heart thumping
Chilled to the bone under layers of blankets
In my surgical gown and silly cap
I wait to be knocked out by Ketamine
The human horse tranquillizer
Headed to a 'Happy Place’
A medically induced coma to interrupt incessantly firing nerve networks
Causing me migraines on end
Shutting down continuous pain signals that have outgrown their usefulness
But keep creating havoc and agony.
I of little faith am afraid
One
minute I was there
The
other I’m disintegrating
Reduced
to a molecule, an eye
Flung
into a white room square and empty.
Space
Odyssey without the music
Residual
Me is propelled forward
Hurled
into corners of bright nothingness
My
frontal cortex is dissociated from my body
No
hands to hold on to safety, no legs to stem the fall
Catapulted
down a slide
Another
white chamber with infinite boundaries
Unlike
the mystical bright light at the end of a tunnel.
Is
this dying?
No
peace and calm but
Howling
pain and fear
Real
sensations override where oblivion should rule.
Resurfacing
from the vortex
I
get a grip
Of
my doctor’s hand
Regaining
consciousness
The
pain never went away
Keeps
torturing me
Costlier
than an acid trip, but FDA approved
Another
hope shattered
Leaving
me with this memory
where
there should be none.
© 9-13-12
Siggy Buckley
The
recent experience of a ‘Ketamine intervention’ triggered off my first foray into poetry. This
procedure sends the patient into an artificial coma; used primarily on burn
victims, it makes the pain bearable that accompanies the changing of their
bandages. For them it’s proven to work.
It
is now tried also on chronic pain patients diagnosed with a centrally mediated
pain syndrome where pain signal- sending nerves are out of whack and make life
a torture. It was an attempt by highly trained pain management experts to
interrupt my pain cycle and reset the brain to normal.
In
party circles it’s known as the ”K hole” when a user takes too much of the drug
and goes on a wild trip.
