In Your Skin

There aren’t many times in my life

Where I’ve felt comfortable

Where I’ve felt welcome

I’ve spent most of it feeling horrible

Believing the poison people told me

I eventually started living as if it was true

I lost who I was in the pursuit of being their version of better

I held back my God given talents

Because they weren’t good enough

So I was told

Blocked out my instincts to live what I was told was the right way

I breathed in their toxic words

Trying hard to move past the suffocation

Mired in the quicksand

I couldn’t see past my desperate need to feel loved and wanted

To fit in

To make them all see

There was nothing wrong with me

I could be like them

I could be beautiful

I could be popular

I could be rich

I could say the right things

Wear the right clothes

I could be just like them

But I tried and failed

I was never meant to be anyone other than me

It took a blow to the head to realize this

To have the reality of who I truly am dawn on me

I finally saw how shallow they all were

How I was better off different

How I wasn’t the problem

My life is my own to live

My own to make

My heart is my own to please

And the sky’s the limit for me

I can rise above all they throw at me

I can be better than their best

I just have to choose what’s right for me

I have to live my life for me

I was created to be exactly who I am

I was never meant to be someone else

I was never meant to be like anything ever created

I was created unique and perfectly me

It’s a hard thing to realize

Sometimes hard to swallow

That fitting in isn’t a requirement for happiness

Fitting comfortably in one’s own skin is all that’s needed

Being happy with yourself

That’s all

Easier said than done

I’ve learned this the hard way

It’s easy to live their lie than your own truth

That’s what they want you to think

Honestly you can’t be anything other than yourself

You can’t fail at being you

It’s innately ingrained into your being

Every cell in your body

Every memory in your brain

And every spark in your soul

Everything that you love is purely you

Everything you say and do is all you

To be them is like wearing something several sizes too small

It just doesn’t fit

It won’t ever fit

But your own skin grows

Stretches and covers you comfortably

Holds you in place

Keeps you sane

Hugs you beautifully so

You don’t have to alter your own personality

You don’t have to cut and tear apart who you are to make it fit

It just simply does

It’s love of yourself that keeps it strong

Keeps it intact

Keeps it whole

It’s love of yourself that keeps your truth shinning

It’s always better to be yourself

It makes this world more colorful and beautiful

You make this world more beautiful

Just the way you are

Here is the link to my publisher's site where people can get a signed print
copy. They just have to leave a comment when purchasing that they want it
signed before shipping. :-)
©2012Simone Frances Reed

My Life Story – The Interpreter

 

In Helmand, I woke up one day and found myself in a mud-hut. Now I was an interpreter with the American forces. The commanding officer along with his team were supposed to meet a Malik in the nearby village. I was to go and translate between the officer and the Malik. The officer would provide me with an Icom scanner to listen to the Taliban chatter. On the way the Taliban engaged us. I was listening to the Icom when the fear struck me.
In Kabul, as a any other teenager, I was also into education and sports. I went to school and joined a Karate club in a Kabul neighborhood. But it didn’t get long before I lost everything and ended up in jail. It was during the Taliban Regime. I was in the club when the Talib came in harassing us for doing an un-Islamic sport. He whipped a few of us. Then he went to whip our master for not allowing us to go to the mosque.
In Moscow, my parents sent my brother and sisters to Switzerland. I was suffering from what trauma the Taliban commander had caused my body and soul in his jail. Now I was ready to leave Moscow.
In Kabul the Nato forces had ousted the Taliban. Karzai had been appointed as our president. Now I was in Kabul in search of work. But I ended up in Helmand. My job was to accompany the American officers on their patrols in different villages.
I heard the Taliban leader over the Icom. I feared that it was the same commander who put me in Jail trying to kill me. Was it the same commander? I feared to find out. My name is Shabir Khan. But sometimes the officers called me Terp. When they wanted me to go to them they took their right or left hand to their head, without calling my name. I was not alone. There was one more interpreter. But soon he was beheaded by the Taliban commander. Two new interpreters replaced him. The Taliban leader sent his men to follow us.
My job took me from places to places and from tragedies to tragedies. Every now and then the Taliban leader ambushed our patrol. We counterattacked. Men, women, and children got caught in the cross fire. From much pain and grief I imagined an angel who kept me sane.
My search for the leader grew stronger. I told my colleagues and the commanding officer. But the officer convinced me to keep my mind away from his bad memories. But how could I do that? If I were right about him being the commander, then he was the man who had changed the course of my life. He put me in jail. He beat me every day. Because of him we left Kabul and went to Moscow. And it was because of him that we didn't get a break now.
We had a secret agent who informed us about Mullah Aslam, the Taliban leader. He would tell us about his plans to ambush us. He would tell us about him going into a village asking people for money and shelter. We were able to kill Aslam’s son with his help. Who was he?
We would do our daily patrol in the villages. That was our everyday main job.
In the camp we rested or trained certain things. Sometimes, our interpreter friends came from other camps and we cooked food and talked. We mainly talked about the Taliban commander sending his men to follow us. He had managed to kill many interpreters.
One night, I went to a camp in Mousa Qhala to stay with my friends Sami and Ehsan. On the way I felt that someone was following me. In the morning Sami escorted me back to our camp. On the way we encountered a Taliban remote checkpoint. I fired at them and they fired back. We hid behind our car. Then we took cover behind a stone. The Taliban kept coming at us. We left the stone and a hid behind a ridge. A Taliban pick up vehicle arrived. A man came out. I was shocked to see him. I was angry. My heart was beating. I fired three bullets at him when the American patrol arrived.
One day the secret agent came to our camp to see the officer. He said he should send me away from the camp. Aslam was training a suicide bomber to kill me. Now I was even more restricted. The officers didn’t allow me to leave the camp alone. My friends Sami pushed me to leave Helmand and join my parents in Moscow. But that was a defeat for me. I wanted to stay by the side of the men, woman, and children of Helmand.
Now Mullah Aslam was lame in the right leg. Now he knew who I was. He knew I had broken his man’s nose and tooth in Kabul. And now this. How could he believe that an interpreter had shot him? How could he go to the villages with his lame leg? Now people didn’t think of him as invincible. Now he would do everything to kill me.
One of our jobs was to train the Afghan National Army and police. We would show them how to use their new American guns or Machine guns. We would train them how to get into suspicious houses, etc. And the other main part of our job was to visit people and win over their hearts and minds. We would go to see the chiefs, Maliks, mullahs, and the locals to talk to them. In fact we exposed ourselves to the Taliban even more.
I was in a police station. I saw a policeman running towards me. Then I saw dead men, women, and children. I saw the angel sitting by my side. She ran her fingers over my eyes and left. My father made his way from Moscow. He and Sami’s father came to Helmand. But of course their journey was not without danger. They were stopped by Mullah Aslam’s son in his checkpoint.
Sami, Ehsan, and many others rushed to the hospital. Even the local mullah and Malik came. Sami cried like a child. Others feared when would be their turn. I said nothing. I didn’t enjoy the job any more. I didn’t enjoy my friends any more. I was dead.
After I was out of a long coma, it was Sami who talked to me. My father took me to Pakistan. From Pakistan I went to Moscow. From Moscow I went to Ukraine. I was weak and in pain. My whole body had stitches from the suicide attack on me. The smuggler left me in a jungle for hours. Hungry and in pain, I was about to die. Then he took me into Poland and left me there. I walked, fell, and then nothing. I saw an angel sitting by side.
In Helmand, the secret agent who had lost his interpreter son into the hands of Aslam, informed the officer and Sami about Aslam hiding in his birth village. Sami, Ehsan, and the officer managed to kill Aslam that night. His son vowed to kill every interpreter and their families. He managed to behead Ehsan.
Mullah Jabar, Aslam's son, the new Taliban leader went to a family demanding for their daughter. The father went into a British army camp and informed them. The next day Mullah Jabar sent his brothers and men to prepare for his wedding. The British forces captured every single one of them. Mullah Jabar lived to fight another day.

Shah Fazli:FB: https://www.facebook.com/ShahSight
His new FB show Spotlight: Interview in Public is  creating a lot of attention already. Check it out:https://www.facebook.com/BeInTheSpotlight

What's on your bucket list?

I've made an interesting, albeit maybe obvious, observation. As we get older, we become more like our parents/grandparents.

I'm talking about how we view our mortality. Think about it. Remember how your parents talked about their ailments, doctor's appointments and obituaries? As a kid, I totally never got it. Now, enjoying the last half of my life, I see why they did that. It's surprising how much your mind still feels twenty-five but your body feels ancient. When did that happen? I could have sworn I felt much younger yesterday. Where has the time gone?

In this wake of our mortality some of us stop and look around us. What have me missed? We have friends passing all around us. Have we done all the things we thought we'd do? Oh, some of us have gained maturity (I said some - no laughing) and wisdom (I fit better there). But have we accomplished the things we thought we would?

I did a survey on Facebook. What's on your bucket list? Some of the answers I received I expected, some were surprising. The most common item on the list was some kind of adventure. Whether it be sailing on a full-rig ship, skydiving (most common), walk the Great Wall of China or joining the mile-high club, adventure was the most common answer.

                                                               

Why is that? Are we too cautious in our everyday life? Are we saving that big moment for the day we're told we only have six months to live? Reality is life is filled with work, family and bills that need to be paid. Adventure isn't a priority. We have been taught that responsibility out weighs fun. These dreams get put on a back-burner. Once we have more money, less responsibility, we'll have more time to follow through with the dreams. Hopefully, we'll have six weeks notice and the health to do it.

The next most common was travel. Reasons, I'm sure, are the same as adventure. I know I'd love to go to Scotland but the money just isn't available. Now if I played the lotto I might have a chance. Other common destinations were Disney World, Australia, and seeing all fifty states.

Some other bucket list items were having a novel on the best sellers list, finding a soul mate, and losing weight. Are any of these impossible? No! And, definitely, shouldn't be put off to the last ticking minute.

What's my message here? Just because we age doesn't mean we aren't capable of great things. Why wait until we are too old to enjoy our bucket list? Start planning today to fulfill that list! Live a full, exciting life - if that's what you're looking for. Don't put it off...you may never get another chance.  

 

 Linda Bolton 

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